The Digression Against the Door
by NatesMama
Summary: Another OS about the pitfalls of writing fan fiction.


**Quick shout out to Laffers (Miss Kirsty if you're nasty) for doing a quick, brutal, no-holds-barred beta read for me. My undying gratitude, as always. (What? Too much?)**

**And Skole, again, for the title. She's the bombity-bomb-bomb.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

The Digression Against the Door

They barely had the door closed when Booth turned Brennan and roughly pressed her against the polished wood, both breathing heavily. She grabbed his lapels and jerked him forward, rocking her pelvis against his in a sensual rolling of her hips. Gasping for air, Booth gripped Brennan's thighs tightly, his teeth scraping softly along the elegant column of her neck.

"You're going to be the death of me, Bones." He rasped.

"But what a way to go…" Brennan breathed in response, back arching as Booth's hands moved up and softly cradled her suddenly hyper-sensitive breasts.

"Mmmm…." Booth reached down and grasped the edge of her blouse, yanking it unceremoniously over her head.

_"Hey! I see where this is going, you know!"_

_*sigh* You're going to argue with me about the whole wall sex thing NOW?_

_"You're not the one who has to do all the work. Besides….remember what Skole said? I could break my penis!"_

_"Booth, while I am not entirely sure how this fan fiction world works, I am relatively sure that she can write the scene in such a way as to ensure your safety and the safety of your penis. Am I right?"_

_Yeppers. Brennan's right, Booth. Believe me; if there is one thing you can count on in my fan fiction, you are always going to be virile and insatiable. And that I would never mess with your junk._

_"Yeah, right. Don't think I've forgotten what happened the last time."_

_Hey, you deserved that. And it's not like I left you with the tiny penis. I fixed it._

_"It appears as though she is correct, Booth. You are actually quite well-endowed. Almost comically so."_

_See? I've got your back, Booth. _

_"You would have to have his back, if you had his front you might poke your eye out."_

_Brennan, you made a joke! That was hilarious!_

_"Really Bones…that was a good one."_

_"Well, I am becoming-"_

_Quite amusing._

_"Quite amusing."_

_Jinx, you owe me a Coke, Booth._

_"Yeah, go ahead and write me handing you one."_

_Oh, aren't we the smartass today?_

_"I do my best."_

_Alright, lets get back to the sweaty wall sex, shall we? And don't worry, Booth. Your pee pee is safe with me._

_"Now that was funny."_

_Thanks, Bren._

Throwing Brennan's blouse over his shoulder, Booth smiled predatorily as he dipped his head down and unsnapped her bra with his teeth. The lacy cups fell away, revealing her perfect breasts to his hungry stare.

_"That was a most impressive display."_

_Yeah, it was the least I could do. I feel kind of bad about the whole 'shrunken dick' incident._

_"You should. I might be traumatized for life after that."_

_You'll get over it. Now take off your shirt._

Booth stopped his erotic assault on Brennan's breasts to reach behind him and pull his own shirt over his head one-handed, tossing it with the ever-growing collection of clothes at their feet.

_"Oh, I love it when men remove their shirts in that manner. It's very sexy."_

_Yeah, I thought you'd like that. _

_"Thank you very much."_

_Anything I can do to help, Bren._

_"Uh…can we get on with it?"_

_Oh, yeah…sorry, Booth. As you were._

Brennan ran her hands down Booth's impressive chest, sighing in delight as she lightly scraped her nails down his pectorals, leaving faint red marks in her wake. She leaned forward and kissed the trails, using her tongue to soothe the minor pain and drawing a groan from Booth in the process. Brennan reached down and unsnapped Booth's jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly.

"Bones…careful." Booth dropped his head on her shoulder as she softly maneuvered his hard, throbbing dick from it's confines, sliding her hand up and down tenderly.

_"Is it supposed to be blue?"_

_*snickering* Nah, that was just for me. _

_"I hate you."_

_No you don't, Booth. You looooove me. _

_"No, I really hate you. You're cruel."_

_Eh. Just having some fun. I'll fix it._

_"Yeah, thanks."_

_You know, for a tough, alpha male FBI agent, you're kind of a pussy, Booth._

_"Give me a break. How would you feel if someone else was manipulating your every move and you were helpless to stop it? You'd be crying like a five year old girl, too."_

_The difference being, I am actually a girl._

_"Are you married?"_

_Yep._

_"He has my sympathies."_

_"May I intercede on Booth's behalf here? I apologize for his insolence, truly. But he does have a point. It is very hard to concentrate when we're being manipulated at your whim. The natural human reaction is to lash out. Booth is merely…"_

_Alright, alright. I get it. Lucky for you, Booth, you're cute. Go ahead, get back to it._

Brennan stroked her soft hand along Booth's cock, letting her thumb slide along the tip on each pass and drawing a hiss from him. Lifting his head from her shoulder, Booth locked eyes with Brennan and reached for the zipper on her skirt.

"I need to be with you…right here, right now." He maneuvered the tight black skirt down her hips and legs, watching as she kicked the discarded clothing to the side and slid her thumbs into the waistband of her tiny, lacy panties.

_Okay, wait a second._

_"Oh, come on! What now?"_

_I just…okay, I feel a little weird about just sitting here…y'know, watching. Maybe I should just leave this scenario to Dispatch22705._

_"Oh ho ho…big talkin' fan fiction writer, always sayin' how when we finally have sex it'd better be nasty, dirty and up against a wall…you, of all people, are chickening out?"_

_I just…I didn't realize how complicated this particular position is to write. That's all._

_*eye roll* "Oh please. Chicken!"_

_No, really…_

_"Buk buk buk bukkaaaa! Chicken!"_

_"Booth, stop. It's obvious that this isn't going to happen this way, and I am extremely sexually frustrated. Can we just do it her way and go to the bedroom?"_

_ "Fine. But don't think for a minute that I'm ever going to let you live this down."_

_Yeah. I know. *sigh* Damn._


End file.
